Miss NC isn't ITB

Amanda Watson was just named Miss NC. Unfortunately for Amanda, she's from Garner. I repeat, she is from Garner. To whoever chose the winner of the Miss NC Pageant; What the hell are you doing? How the hell is NC supposed to win anything with someone from Garner representing us? I can already see the results of the Miss America pageant now. And the winner is……..not Miss NC. Are we actually trying to lose the Miss America pageant? Is this a make-a-wish? This girl looks pretty healthy to me, which is surprising since she's a product of Garner, where people are still regularly infected with dysentery. How can you have a non-Raleigh non-Deb serving as Miss NC? You better hope there isn't a literacy test or even a speaking portion of the pageant. If so, we're dead. I don't even want to refer to her as "we." I'm sure she's a nice girl and meets all the criteria of becoming Miss NC. However, nice doesn't make up for being OTB.

(Don't worry, this picture is only being taken down temporarily.)

Miss Not ITB

After looking through the Miss NC website, I've come to the realization that ITB girls don't participate in the Miss NC pageants for a number of reasons. If they won, which they would, they would have to leave ITB and travel to other cities and towns of NC, even the poor areas. They would also be required to "help others" by reading to elementary school kids and making appearances at "Tractor Shows." Thankfully, ITB girls don't meet all of the "Required Skills for Miss NC," which I found on their website. These "skills" and how they relate to ITB girls are listed below:

Required Skills for Miss NC

Time management – Impossible for ITB girls. Everyone knows that they've been taught to display power over others by making people wait for them.

Communication – ITB girls have this one down. There's not an ITB girl under the age of 11 that hasn't already owned at least 3 cell phones.

Using Maps – maps? What would they use maps for?

Energetic – most ITB girls I know are usually energetic, especially after a night of taking jager bombs and doing blow in the bathroom of Felson's.

Oragnized – The following is a quote from 2007 Miss NC regarding organization. "Because you are always on the go, it is important to have everything you need, where you need it. In other words, you will live out of your car." – That's so poor. However, the current winner from Garner is probably used to this. Although, I'm not sure that mobile homes count as cars…. An ITB girl wouldn't settle for anything less than a 5 star hotel, if she actually had to leave Raleigh.

Gracious – ITB girls know that you are there to serve them, they don't have to be gracious.

Friendly – Only to other ITBers of course.

Independent – ITB girls are actually totally independent. It is acceptable to live on Dad's credit card while they spend a year or two in New York trying to be a fashion designer/interior designer/actor/model, only to move back to Raleigh after 2 years to show off all the "experience" they gained from living in such an "amazing place" where they "learned so much." The part time job they get at Uniquities upon their return, is not only ITB, but it allows them to claim that they are now working in the "fashion industry." Miss NC probably had to have an actual job while growing up, pathetic.

Creative – ITB girls display their creativity in many ways. Just because they all wear the exact same clothing, sunglasses, and accessories does not mean they aren't creative. As a whole, they are a lot more creative than the rest of the commoners who can't afford $500 purses.

Ambitious - ITB girls don't need to be ambitious. Doors open for them. There are no glass ceilings for ITB girls. Why be ambitious?

These requirements are bullshit. ITB girls realize winning Miss NC is a worthless title, which is why not a single girl from Raleigh even "competed" in this pageant. Obviously, these commoner girls who compete to be Miss NC are doing so because they are ineligible for Miss ITB. I found out that anyone can put these "pageants" on. Apparently, people in Johnston/Buncombe/Cabarrus/Forsyth/any other random shit hole county can just throw together a "pageant" and have their girls eligible for Miss NC. I'm sure these local contests consist of a bunch of drunks gathering at the fairgrounds to watch commoner girls walk up and down a shitty "stage" (that's been constructed out of picnic tables) then answer questions like "What is your home address?" or "Can you spell your name?" or "Is your father also your cousin and your brother?" Clearly, winning Miss NC is far less of an accomplishment than being Queen of Hearts. If I wanted to, I could have one of these pageants in my own house. I just don't think my parents would allow so many OTB cars in our driveway. If I did create a Miss ITB pageant, some of the requirements would be; she would have to be able to handle the standard 3 night tour of Felson's every weekend, be a Deb, be a member of CCC, and have been Queen of Hearts or Prom Queen at Broughton (or both).

So go ahead Amanda, represent Miss NC at the Miss America Pageant. At first, I thought you guys had let me down, then I realized that you just don't matter. Here in ITB we have better things to do than fawn over a bunch of 24 year old illiterate commoners. Countless Mom-hours are spent planning and hosting pageants all across the state in preparation for a larger and completely irrelevant event. What ITBer would spend months attending all of these pageants and contests attempting to achieve self-validation through the praise and approval of others, all while doing absolutely nothing to merit such approval? Who has time for this worthlessness? After all, Deb Season is just around the corner, which means that ITB girls have more important things to worry about than some lame pageant.