I was 5 years old when I first saw the massive stretch of black and broken asphalt that is Western Blvd. At the time, I thought the asphalt represented the cracked and broken dreams of the residents who lived in that area. I didn't know what poverty was, why would I? Yet, I knew something was wrong with this area. As we drove by rows of dilapidated fast food "restaurants", gas stations, and a Jiffy Lube, I could have sworn I was in Fayetteville , although I'd never actually been there. As I read the signs, yes I could read at age 5, of these "businesses", I realized that I was still in Raleigh. "Go Pack! Eat here!", "Hamburgers 99 cents for NCSU students", "Malt liquor!", "Get your oil changed in 30 minutes! Go Pack!", were just a few of the advertisements I saw. Whatever this place was, it was miserable. At such a young age, I had no concept of where the beltline began and ended, I just knew that I was taught to dislike everything outside of it. It wasn't until later in life that I found out from my friend Forrest that Western Blvd is in fact ITB. I seem to remember it went something like this.
Forrest: "Hey William did you hear the Bojangles' on Western Blvd. burned down?"
Me: "Haha awesome, now the dorm rats (I'll explain later) from State won't be able to eat there 4 times a day. I'm sure they'll start to infest some other shit hole OTB joint that doesn't actually have menus or tablecloths."
Forrest: "Will, Western Blvd is ITB, the entire road is basically ITB. Have you ever gone further than Hillsborough St.?"
It was then that I realized I hadn't. Why would I ever need to cross over to the other side of Hillsborough St.?
Forest reminded me: "Well William, there are a lot of drug dealers over there."
Me: "Are you retarded? I get my drugs delivered to my door by that sketchy guy who works at Sadlack's. It's not like I actually go over there to buy my own drugs, I send someone to do that for me."
There's no way Forrest was thinking clearly, after all we had both just spent the last 4 hours getting high and playing Halo. I had to find out for myself. I immediately got in my SUV and drove to Hillsborough St. so I could check my in-dash GPS to see where the beltline ended. Forrest was right. I had heard of Trailwood, Avent Ferry Rd., and Gorman St., before, but I had never actually been there. To me it was just the area full of poorly constructed apartment complexes where dorm rats (I'm about to explain) were forced to live after their freshman year at State because they could barely afford the $325 a month rent (that includes cable). (Note: It's not real cable, it's that standard $45 package that anyone with a shitty non-HD TV can get, these kids can't afford my $257.98 a month digital cable package that includes every channel ever made, all the HD channels, and high-speed internet.) For those of you who don't know, a dorm rat is sort of a pre-gel head or a gel head in its infancy. They are poor, they didn't live in University Towers, they wear NC State paraphernalia everywhere, they actually sit in the student section at athletic events (after having to wait in line for tickets). They go everywhere in packs (to save gas), all sporting backwards NC State hats. Their diet consists of Ramen noodles, Mountain Dew, and free pizza from any event held on campus that will give it to them. A dorm rat will gladly sign his life away for a credit card if it comes with a piece of pizza and a free t-shirt. Dorm rats attend Sammy's Bar and Grill and Jax Sports Bar religiously and have memorized all of the wing specials and student discount nights at each of these "bars". They lack personal hygiene, never showering on consecutive days, and change their sheets once a year, resulting in them having to sleep on a Shroud of Turin type rag by the end of spring semester.
Dorm rats are non-existent in University Towers because it's not a dorm. It's technically not part of the University, is expensive as shit, and has a private parking deck, making it impossible for dorm rats to reside there. Obviously, after freshman year, students from University Towers move to the correct side of Hillsborough St. into a nice house off of Wade Ave. or Dixie Trail where they continue to live an exclusive ITB lifestyle due to their close proximity to Nelson's (RIP)/Foster's and Broughton. Until that conversation with Forrest, I had no idea that these dorm rat commoners could rightfully say they were ITB. I had spent all my time worrying about north Raleigh OTB intruders that I didn't even realize there were problems so close to home. You might think, "Well, William since Western Blvd is ITB shouldn't you embrace these people as equals?" To that I say, fuck no, have you actually seen what exists beyond Hillsborough St? I decided to survey the area, and it wasn't pretty.
(Western) Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Not only is Western Boulevard home to pre-gel heads and full fledged gel heads, but it also houses a diverse international community. For reasons unknown, many foreign settlers have chosen Method Rd.(which intersects with Western Blvd.) as their new homeland. One reason may be the availability of an open field, which these hunter-gatherers use as a place to kick around a half inflated "ball" in an attempt at recreation. Drive down Method Rd. and you'll think you were in South America working for National Geographic. It's as if tribal community leaders decided that being located close to a Subway, gas stations, a Food Lion, and an open field would be a Utopia. I don't have such a big problem with these settlers as I do with the gel-heads. Mainly because history has shown it's not too hard to displace large groups of indigenous people, as long as you use force or at least "trade" them some beads for their land. Once the construction for my plan begins, these people will have to move, which is something they should be used to by now. The main group I'm concerned about dealing with is the gel-heads. They're not going to be happy once my renovation plan is implemented. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, or just burn the bridge down so the OTB commoners can't come inside the beltline.
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Western Blvd is like that step child you don't really like but still have to live with because it came with the package. I mean Western Blvd doesn't even have a Harris Teeter. I was blackout one night and mistakingly decided to venture to Western Blvd to get some late night food because all the restaurants ITB(non-western blvd. part) all close at 5 pm because the owners are already rich enough to close that early. When I was on Western I think I only saw one car with leather interior...pathetic.
Actually there is one restaurant that stays open late thats itb but not on western blvd. The fine establishment I am refering to is the one and only Pizzamerica Incorporated. Don't be fooled to believe that they are one of those common pizza joints that stay open 24 hours. Oh no, they would have been shunned and run out of town(the beltline)if they would've pulled that stunt. What most people don't know is that Pizzamerica opens at 10pm and closes at 5am every morning. I discovered this eatery during my reign at University Towers. Pizzamerica played an essential role in my domination of freshman girls at UT. And yes, I took full advantage of Pizzamerica Inc.'s delivery system too, considering they were right across the street. Though UT and Hillsborough St. are ITB, I wouldn't get caught dead in Pizzamerica Inc. after 2am though. Too many commoners from Bragaw, Lee, and tucker beach could easily walk there and infest the establishment, I didn't want to take the risk and step foot in there and be surrounded by the poor. Unfortunatly they wouldn't deliver to my room so I was forced to walk out the air conditioning and meet the delivery guy down front. After seeing that my pizza was being delivered in a dodge stratus, something had to be done. I immediatly called my dad and got an $80,000+ SUV to be given to the pizza delivery guy for the remainder of my college career so that my pizza would never again have to ride in something with such low standards.
Your writing is gold, this post was especially great:
"having to sleep on a Shroud of Turin type rag by the end of spring semester"
from my ITB childhood experience I remember venturing over to Western Blvd every once in awhile for a trip to Dairy Queen. Of course we'd only go to DQ if we were sick and tired of Baskin Robbins the last 10 days in a row at CV.
I would like to know your plans for North Hills, aka Cameron Village for the Commoners, once your wall is built. While I am all for fortifying the beltline, Kane Development did do one thing right by hosting a concert series similar to what used to be alive after five. ITB has been left with the budweiser concert series which consists of nothing but cargo-shorted gelheads whose hobbies consist of pounding 75 cent well drinks at Rum Runners on Wednesdays and listening to the terrible hard rock in Moores Square that the King of Beers brings each Saturday.
I know it is not in your nature to reply to comments left by your readers, but if you could address this issue in your plan it would be much appreciated
no more talk about the one and only pizzamerica. i like ordering online and them being there in 15 minutes. gelheads don't need to know this...
I like the 2 hour wait that it takes for pizzamerica to deliver your food. It gives you more time to contact your last resort for hooking up/blow before you crush your pizza and 10 mozzerela sticks.
...You do realize all of us from the nice areas of Charlotte view all of Raleigh as "commoners" you all are nothing more than normal kids with no talent trying to seem important. Try Quail Hollow and Myers Park. No one outside of Raleigh cares about ITB or OTB. Stop acting like snobs. The truth is you are all just hicks looking down on others while more people look down on you. Next time you judge someone realize all the people who are judging you.
Oh look, another Charlottian who cannot accept the fact that Raleigh is, and forever will be, the STATE CAPITAL OF NORTH CAROLINA...that alone making it so much fucking cooler than the "Queen City" (fag). Have fun wallowing in your cubicle at Bank of America/Wachovia or wherever you work/spend time lamenting the fact that you are not, nor will ever be, ITB. We ITBers are not snobs, we are exclusive.
I took a shit yesterday that looked just like Myers Park... coincidence? NO
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