The coveted ITB rear window sticker

As you can see from the picture, my 2008 ITB rear-window sticker finally came in the mail today. For those of you who don't know, the ITB sticker is a very important symbol of how important I am. It is also one of the few window stickers that is acceptable to put on an ITB SUV. If you've ever driven behind a white Suburban on Oberlin Rd. or St. Mary's street, you are familiar with the few other stickers (Lacy, Root, DMS, MMS, BHS) that are allowed on ITB SUVs. You may have seen other common rear-window stickers that mimic the ITB sticker. You know, those white ovals with 2 or 3 letters inside that represent some random shit-hole beach or town that isn't ITB. Don't be fooled, those window stickers are only used by your typical Glenwood South douchebag that drives a Mitsubishi Eclipse. The real ITB window sticker is very rare and only given out to a small number of people each year. Obviously, I get one every year. After turning in my "Proof of ITB" documents, (listed below) I waited patiently for the ITB Board to review them, even though my Uncle is on the Board and there's no chance of me ever not getting one.

Proof of ITB Documents
1 Needham B. Broughton High School Diploma
1 Daniels or Martin Middle School Diploma
1 Elementary school diploma from one of the following schools: Lacy, Aldert Root, Fred Olds, Underwood
Verification that you live in one of the following zip codes
27605
portions of 27606
portions of 27607
portions of 27608
portions of 27609
or Old Raleigh neighborhoods as listed on Wikipedia: "The neighborhoods in Old Raleigh include Cameron Park, Boylan Heights, Country Club Hills, Five Points, Glenwood, Brooklyn, Hayes Barton, Moore Square, Mordecai, Belvidere Park, Woodcrest, and Oakwood."

You're probably wondering why I need to have one of these stickers. Can't everyone just tell by looking at me how ITB I am? Not all the time. If someone is driving behind me and can't actually see the ITB-ness radiating from my Polo shirt and Costa Del Mar sunglasses, then the sticker will let them know how important I am. But it's not all about me. I have a dream, that one day, the ITB sticker will be used as a form of admittance, an ITB passport if you will, to enter inside the belt line. There are thousands of reasons why this idea is genius, but I'll only list a few...

1.) I thought of it.
2.) It would keep the ITB population in check. I don't need any more gel-head douchebags from OTB moving into those "trendy" new condos near Glenwood South. I once thought about buying one of those condos as a backup place to pass out if I ever got too drunk to make it to Nelson's before 12:30 am. I decided not to after seeing all the commoners in the Glenwood South area, and realizing that nothing on this planet could stop me from getting to Nelson's by 12:30am.
3.) It would completely stop illegal immigration. I used to think that we needed to put a shark-infested moat around the belt line, but if someone can swim across an entire river while desperately clinging to a half inflated inner tube, a shark infested moat around the belt line wouldn't do shit. No ITB sticker? No way Jose.

For the above reasons, and for thousands of others, I propose that the ITB rear-window sticker be used as a passport that grants access to ITB.